Slow
(Be fully present)
We ready to really explore. Slow is intense, at least it can be. Slow is intentional. Slow we know out the gate we getting down. Take it slow. How this shows up for you is very telling. Do not go gently into the night... go slow.
Slow can be hard for either side or both. Communicate about this before hand in a non-sexual conversation setting. Over dinner or cocktails. Give each other the skinny prior to that conversation. Perhaps you've already experimented with Lover's Greeting or Playful. If not, maybe start there. There is no judgement or shame. Slow requires trust. It requires one to get and be vulnerable. Its the point because that is the edge at which we grow.
Slow IS Foreplay. It is intended to use as foreplay. Its pure romance.
Objective:
Be fully present in each other's space without expectations.
Setting the scene:
This is intentional. Light some candles. Soft music is optional. Keep volume low. Create ambiance. Stand up next to each other. Clothes on. If your partner doesn’t know what's happening then gently keep the pace slow for longer than feels normal. If a kiss gets too intense, take a beat and explore their neck and slow it down again. If both parties know then it's a great balance to share the lead. When one starts to speed up the other can slow it down and vice versa.
Encourages:
connection, intimacy, appreciation, gratitude, trust, arousal, romance
Min Time Allotment: 30 min
The Instructions
Stand in each other's space.
Breathe
Move close without touching
Resist the urge to touch and grab
Closer
Just stand there
Close your eyes
Experience the scent
Hear the sounds
Breathe each other in
Sway gently
Move your head slowly
Imagine what their body feels like
From the shoulders up to the neck over to the lips
Be as close as possible without touching
Be patient with yourself
Be patient with your partner
Find the rhythm
Time doesn’t exist
Breathe
Variations
Try it laying down - each lay on his/her side facing the other and just be in each other's space. Try to let only the hairs on your arms touch. Maybe there are the slightest forbidden grazes. Try it after sex. Instead of sex after a long day when one or both are tired.
Platonic: In a platonic relationship, slow might be used to express compassion. To sit with a person while they are going through something. Nothing is required of us but our presence. Patience. Words sometimes aren’t enough or can’t be found. Support them. Let them cry on your shoulder. Let them rest on your lap. The level of touch is based on what's appropriate for your relationship.
Insight
Slow exposes problems.
Slow also allows the chance for those problems to be observed. Slow requires lots of trust because it requires vulnerability. It requires surrender. It requires exploration. It requires listening without talking.
Isn’t it strange how sometimes we don’t feel heard unless we talk and talk and talk about what we are feeling and what we are upset about or what we don’t like? We hear ourselves and then we feel heard and wonder why the other person didn’t hear us when we so clearly talked for a long while about our problems.
Slow teaches us to listen and when we can listen with our bodies we can truly feel the truth of the relationship. Slow is the best most intense foreplay and comforting. Slow will reveal that which we might be avoiding or denying in the relationship and that is its gift.