Playful

(Take the pressure off) 

A barrier to a good sex life with your long-term partner is time. Pencilling it in seems so clinical and can be less than orgasmic because your mental self is too frantic to relinquish to the moment. Playful is a tool to take the pressure off of both of you. For example, you’ve both worked all day, had kid duty, dealt with homework and after-school activities, hustled around and got everyone fed, and did some chores. All the things. It's late now. It's time to wind down. The last thing on your mind is feeling sexy. Plopping on the couch and vegging with a screen is the defacto option. And many a night, it's all we need. However, this is another option to wind down that will actually benefit your well-being in a very positive way.

In today’s busy life with all the to-do’s, making the shift from work, to parent, to lover, can be daunting. We don’t feel sexy. We don’t feel like we have it in us to seduce. Good! Let’s not worry about having SEX! Let’s decompress. Let’s see who blinks first.

Playful takes two equal participants. This can be scheduled - like a date night - or it can be an impromptu evening activity.  

The Instructions

Stare into each other eyes
Now make a funny face
Use a funny accent
Put on a favorite song
Strut around being silly

Try to make each other laugh
Use all the resources
Memories, inside jokes
Seriously silly

Make eye contact
Hold hands
Caress their low back
Sneak a tickle
And then a kiss

Get serious
And then stop, pause, and
Laugh out loud
Just laugh

Laughing is contagious
As soon as you feel ridiculous
You’ll make your partner start
Then the cycle is set
When you come up for air
Sneak a kiss  

Variations

Use this to start a vacation, in the morning before you start your day, in the car while you are waiting for soccer practice to get over, or over the phone if you have to be apart for work.

Platonic: This works great with platonic. This requires no physical touch. This is the meaning of quality time. Once you invite the play, just get out of the way. Listen. Allow the pauses. No need to fill every space with talk. Just stare. And let the fun begin 

Insight

To initiate this takes courage and the ability to get outside one's own judgements and expectations.

To participate takes vulnerability and willingness to play along and encourage.

This is a light-hearted, good-natured activity. Approach it this way. If this is difficult, then perhaps the burdens or traumas of life have numbed you to playfulness. But it's in there. Help it come out. Be patient with each other. The first time you try it might be awkward and only last a minute or so. That's OK. Another time you try, it could actually bring you to tears. I would say those are tears of joy because healing is happening and the tears that were buried are now releasing. Enjoy them. Acknowledge them and let them go.